Last night, after a productive and busy day with my elderly parents, I came home, turned on the Christmas twinkle lights, poured myself a glass of red wine, curled up on the couch in front of the gas fireplace and watched a movie. What movie did I decide to watch from the coziness of my festively decorated living room? Was it White Christmas, or Elf, or Love Actually? Nope. It was not a holiday themed movie at all. It was the dark, slightly disturbing, nearly three-hour long movie, The Batman, starring Robert Pattinson. 

Admittedly, my attention span wavered half-way through the movie, and I almost turned it off in favour of something lighter (even toyed with the idea of actually reading a book instead!). Some weird fixation, however, kept my eyes riveted to the screen and to Mr Pattinson (as his portrayal of the character is incredibly appealing). And was I ever glad I held on, because, during the final minutes of the movie, my patience and persistence was rewarded with a gem of a monologue that called out to me from my laptop speakers.

While Batman re-evaluated his role, and Gotham's reality, he hit the nail directly on the head with this final summation:

"Vengeance won't change the past. Mine ... or anyone else's. I have to become more. People need hope. To know someone's out there for them. This city's angry ... scarred. Like me. Our scars can destroy us. Even after the physical wounds have healed. But if we can survive them, they can transform us. They can give us the power ... to endure. And the strength to fight."

As an abuse survivor, and (fingers crossed) a published memoir author, those words could not be more true. Sharing my story is, and always was, about offering inspiration and hope to other victims of abuse, to other survivors. That from the darkness of our past, strength is found. But even more importantly, it takes a hell of a lot of strength to simply endure. Abuse survivors are so incredibly strong for living through what someone else subjected upon them. I want to help survivors recognize their strength, embrace their strength and use that strength to go after the life they truly deserve and desire. Because we can't let the darkness of our past destroy our present or our future. 

There's a line in one of my favourite songs that also talks about scars. Not surprisingly, it's a line from P!nk's, All I Know So Far. It says you should be "proud of [your] skin full of scars." Now, doesn't that just say it all?

So, on this Winter Solstice day, wrap yourself around that ray of hope and walk on through the darkness and into the wonderfully welcoming brightness. It's there. Waiting for you. It truly is.

Do you set goals? Establish deadlines? 

Do you meet those deadlines and achieve those goals?

Well, if so, congratulate yourself! Doesn't it feel absolutely incredibly amazing to realize those accomplishments?

Earlier this week, I accomplished one very BIG goal. It was massive. It was stupendous. It was, without doubt, monumental. 

After six years of writing, revising and editing the manuscript for my memoir (not to mention the emotional roller coaster that came along with the writing process), I completed Draft #4 (yes, number FOUR!).

Back in 2017, I wrote the first draft in eight months, which triggered a complete emotional breakdown. Writing helped me work through what I needed to work through and brought me back out into sunshine. It then took four years to complete Draft #2. For months at a time, I couldn't write a single word. Emotions were either too raw or too overwhelming. About this time last year, in December 2022, right before Christmas, I finished that particular rendition of the draft. At the beginning of 2023, in a burst of motivation and focus, I polished off Draft #3 in six weeks. A selection of girlfriends volunteered to be my Beta readers and offered feedback and insight that I incorporated into the writing of Draft #4. I have written one heck of a lot of words over the past six years!

What makes me feel most proud with the completion of Draft #4 is the state of my emotional health. After tearing apart everything I thought and felt throughout my marriage, and looking at those emotions from every possible angle, and crying a lot of tears and getting really angry, I made peace in the end. With myself, with the man I married, and with the marriage itself. Today, after typing out thousands and thousands (and thousands) of words on the keyboard, I feel completely healed. Let me tell you, that is no small feat!

I also feel completely exhausted and emotionally numb at the moment. I poured my heart and my soul into those digital pages and fully admit that my tank feels pretty empty right now. But I know this state is temporary, and I will regain back my joie de vivre! I just have to take the time to replenish myself by doing things that make me feel good (like going for long walks in nature and taking photos of what I see).

So, what's next?

Well, Draft #4 was emailed to two different publishers who both voiced keen interest in my story. It is now in their hands to read, review and decide if my ground-breaking memoir is something they would like to get out into the world. I'm optimistic that a book contract will come out of this (which means, for certain, more editing and re-writing).  For now, however, it is a wait-and-see kind of game while they take the time to read through my 104,000 words!

My new goal for the memoir is to have it published before I turn 60. That gives me a year and a half to make this next dream come true!

So please set goals for yourself, and then do everything possible to turn those goals into accomplishments. 

'Cuz it's one heck of a feeling when you do!