​I do not know her name, nor favourite book, nor what makes her laugh; yet, she has been on my mind over the past few days. I think not only of her recent experience, but also of my own. It is, in fact, because of my past experience that thoughts of her catapult to the forefront of my mind.
 
Even though we do not know each other, and live on opposite sides of the country, she and I share an all too-common experience: We each have been subjected to the will of another person who meant to cause us harm.
 
When news first broke of the harrowing events in Nova Scotia, prior to any mention of a ‘girlfriend’, my thoughts immediately focused on the likelihood of a domestic situation gone bad. For me, that story-line made complete sense. As it turned out, my initial thoughts, unfortunately, proved accurate.
 
As a survivor myself, perhaps I felt more attuned to the circumstances, more at one with ‘her’. Perhaps I was more able to make a snap assessment of what might possibly have happened; more able to trust my gut instinct on such an occurrence. In my view, there was only one explanation.

                                                                                                         *****
 
With this woman, I feel a bond; a connection of sorts. She hasn’t a clue who I am, and has no idea that a woman in a small coastal BC town even spends time thinking about her. Unfortunately, we have this great thing in common not only with each other, but with too many other women out there in societies spanning the globe: We are survivors of harrowing traumas deliberately inflicted by someone else’s hands.
 
I wish my connection with her was different; that it was more joyful and fulfilling. Perhaps it will be, in the future. For now, we must accept the fact that it is based in trauma.
 
What she and I also did was endure.  While the storm raged around each of us, we took what was unfairly delivered and found strength within ourselves to hold on and not let go. We refused to fall into the abyss. We did not succumb. That storm tried, again and again, to sink us.  It did not, alas, succeed. In that, we have the last laugh. We have the complete and utter satisfaction that we rose above someone else’s malicious intent. Through no fault of our own, we faced a seemingly unbearable challenge, and triumphed over it.
 
Such a victory relies on two elements: the sheer ability to overcome; and, a reason, or reasons, to overcome. Fortitude and character give us each the inner strength to withstand those inflicted storms. Pinpoint focus on what matters most to us feeds that strength. What kept me focused during those challenging times was an indefatigable belief in myself. I was not the person he accused me to be. Hindsight provided me with the invaluable knowledge that strength also derived from being a mother. For the love of my children, there was no better reason to hold on and not let go.
 
Undoubtedly, the Nova Scotia woman also had a reason, or reasons, to survive. I’m so very glad she did. She is a reminder to us all that there are so many incredible reasons to not only survive, but to thrive.
 
When I first sought help with my own situation, more than five years ago, I turned to a dearly regarded physician who listened intently to the description of my domestic life. From her words, I drew immense comfort: “The first thing you need to know is that this is not your fault.”
 
I only hope the Nova Scotia woman has someone near and dear who will say those exact words to her, and reassure her that it was not her fault; that she did nothing to bring forth this tragedy. I hope she finds immense comfort in that knowledge and, ultimately, believes it. From there, her healing will begin.
                                

​Happy Whatever-Day-It-Is!
 
Since last writing, a lot has changed in the world. This, we know.
                            
Almost four months have passed since a pesky, yet powerful, virus made its international debut. Week by week, day by day (and even hour by hour), we’ve watched country after country radically change its modus operandi so to deal with the effects, head on.
 
From reading the news online, or listening to the radio, we’ve come to learn that life for millions of people has changed, perhaps irrevocably. Life as we know it is likely not to be the same, ever again. As a girlfriend mentioned yesterday on the telephone, we are not experiencing a ‘new’ normal, but rather the ‘next’ normal.
 
Consider the question on most peoples’ minds:  When are we getting back to normal? Admittedly, I have great difficulty with this particular question. I personally don’t wish to ‘go back’ to a state of existence that fostered the creation of this virus in the first place (not to mention human conflict, industrial atrocities and environmental degradation).
 
Instead, I wish to ‘go forward’.  I wish for humanity to take with it all the lessons learned from its past (last week, last year, last century) and combine it with all the ‘good’ in order to come up with a new recipe for existence. After all, isn’t that what evolution is all about?
                                                   
On the much brighter side of life, so many wonderful and magical facets continue to carry on uninterrupted and unaffected by that pesky little virus. While we each keep our distance and stay safe and sound at home, nothing has stopped spring from springing here on the south coast of British Columbia. Just the other day, I giggled in glee at the sight of the first salmonberry blossoms, the migrating mountain bluebirds, the fast-flying rufous hummingbirds, and the red-headed turkey vultures soaring high above the treetops. From the depths of the forest I heard the sweet tunes of the Pacific Wren and Varied Thrush (my two all-time favourite bird calls). And, I can’t wait for the entire valley to be immersed in the intoxicating scent of budding cottonwood trees. Nothing says ‘spring’ more than that.
 
When times were tough several years ago, and I needed reminding of the wonders of the world, I sought out beauty in whatever form it took. Tranquility and grounding were found in the scent of a wild rose, a ray of sun through the trees, a glistening drop of rain clinging to the tip of a leaf, the laughter of my children. One by one, these essences of beauty reinforced in me that yes, the world I wanted to live in truly did exist. That beauty, at times incredibly obvious, could also be found in the most unlikely places. I reminded myself that beauty existed everywhere.
 
I survived that former dark time, and left it behind, once and for all. What I carried with me, into my new world, in addition to all the hard-earned lessons of the past, was the knowledge that everything is beautiful.  Because of this personal evolution, my life will always be filled with beauty.
 
As we move together through this shared dark time, carry with you that same belief in beauty. Look for it, every day, in places large or small, as a sound, a scent, or texture. Beauty is there to be found. All you have to do is look for it.